17 Jul 2012

What Happens Now

Originally, this was supposed to be two posts, but I felt that I could put it all in one. There has been a lot of  negative thoughts, and I feel as if I have a need to say it all. I had a serious conversation with my best friend Erin, and it has solved most of my problems.

"Yo, Gina. So how has your friends in South Pas been treating you?"

"Um, alright, I guess."

"Yeah? Your tone suggests something different. Don't try to lie."

"There has just been a lot of things going on between us, and there hasn't been much time to talk about all of these problems."

"Oh, I see. You see, I stalked your friends via Facebook by hacking your account, and I've noticed something that holds my interest like no other."

"And that would be?"

"Have you noticed that you have virtually no pictures with your friends? Or should I put quotes around the word "friend"? Its as if they're ashamed to be seen in public with you. It's like they don't want their Facebook timeline or whatever to be tainted with your presence."

"I'm sure its not like that."

"Gina, don't play stupid. Sometimes its maddening how you pretend to be as stupid as you are now. How many times have they called you to see how you were doing? How many times have your supposed older mentor called to see how you were doing? Do they even care how you are? I bet having to hang out with you is more of an obligation to them than something that they enjoyed to do. Aren't you tired of seeing pictures of them hanging out when you stayed home? Aren't you tired of seeing the looks that they give to each other and then see them look at you? Why can't they be as close to you as they are with each other? Answer me that one question."

*A pause*

"Exactly. You have nothing. Your family had economic issues about two months ago. But do your friends help you at all? No, instead they turn around and call you a liar. And what's that girl's name...she's the one that moved back to the east coast some time ago. I forget her name. But she was only around for a while, and you had deep friend feelings for her. It doesn't seem to me as if she wants to be friends with you. Just saying. It's just that friends like them too polite to say so."

"I guess I can see where you're coming from."

"You'd better. And if I may, I would like to quote Whitney Houston by saying 'I'd rather be alone than be unhappy'. Its time to live life alone at school because obviously no one there gives a damn about you. They probably hate your guts but simply don't say so. You should have paid attention to me when I told you to not give any feelings to those in your school. In this regard, I'm afraid you have received an F. You have too many feelings for them. It's time to break up."

"I'm going out. I'm done listening to this mantra. I have to think. I'm not the person who just does that."

"Remember, you're smarter than you pretend to be. I trust you to listen to me." 

This is the Glee version of the song, but I think the sentence "I'd rather be alone than unhappy" really struck with me.


  1. If someone said such mean things to me I would ignore them completely (after battering them). It is better to be alone than have false friends. Happiness comes from within and you don't need other peoples approval for that.

    I have always hated facebook because of the damage it causes some but if you have any doubts about yourself look at the fact that you have 254 followers of this blog, that should tell you something.

  2. Although I do believe that there are times when being left alone will do greater than being sad, the actions of spying into someone's private lives, such as hacking into another person's Facebook account, is meaningful in order to figure out whether a person has so-called "real" friends or not. I think that being able to talk to someone, whether through live communication or in text messages, shows a person's deep commitment to expressing his/her feelings to someone else, creating a bond that doesn't need to be physically.

  3. Well what happens now really is up to you. I had friends like that, and we naturally drifted apart, and I was left with my one true friend. You can end it yourself, or wait for time to do it for you. But this Erin seems smart, you should hold on to that one at least.

  4. With friends like that you don't need enemies.

  5. Facebook friends don't exactly count for much. Some of the loveliest most popular people i know don't have many facebook friends or activities. Hope these negative thoughts go far far away

  6. Hacking into someone's account is pretty extreme. Friends and mentors can be very wonderful and people need people, but I would seek out folks who are going to see your beauty and nurture your talents, not folks who create negative vibes.

  7. I have made lots of friends on Facebook, but I recently downsized my friends list to just people I interact with and who make an effort to talk to me. I jettisoned tons of people with whom I went to high school, college or worked. After the initial, "hi how have you been what have you been up to the last 20-30 years", there was no further contact. Why bother being friends with them? I have made it a point not to post religious or political stuff on my FB b/c it only leads to conflict. It's better to have a few good friends then a ton of acquaintances.

  8. The reality is that most people we call friends simply aren't. They're acquaintances. They are conveniences of our current place in life. When key aspects change--you graduate college, switch jobs, move away, get marries, whatever--most of your friends are going to change too. If you're really lucky, you'll probably have at most 5 real friends in this life, people who care about you, keep in touch, and love you on a platonic level. Me, I've got 3. 4 if you cound my wife, who is my best friend.

    And damn, what kind of friend hacks your facebook account? Need to change your password post haste!

    On a totally unrelated note, I just now saw your comment on my blog, and I wanted to apologize for not stopping by and saying howdy earlier. Your comment came in just as I was starting my vacation a couple weeks ago, and I totally missed it. So sorry about that, but consider yourself followed now. ;)


  9. This all sounds like a lot to take in, this conversation with your friend. I'm not convinced that facebook is the proper place to count your actual friends, as it is a place for networking. It's kind of like a blog in that way - we can gain a ton of followers, but it is likely that a handful of them we "speak" to and "hang around" regularly.

    It's important that you choose what you want to take from that conversation, and what you don't. You don't have to agree with what someone says, unless you want to connect it with yourself. It is also likely that people mean well (hacking into your fb account), but it doesn't produce the best results.

    Take good care ...

  10. Hi Gina,
    I've had this page open a few days now, and can't remember how I found you...which irritates me. I like to be able to say, "X sent me" so that you know who's helping you find new bloggy buddies. But reading the comments, it must be JoJo, who is the only commenter I know. We follow each other and are building a friendship. Ok, went back to my most recent post and found your comment. Thanks for stopping by!
    This post reminds me of the saying, "You'll have friends for a season, friends for a reason, and friends for a lifetime." I've found this to be so very true.

    A baseball season produces a mom of another kid of the team, you hang out, talk, share a beer, but when it's all over, the connection fades because really, all you had in common was that your kids were on the same team. But season doesn't have to be taken literally. I consider high school a season. Not that I had many real friends there. I think because I was just too real. And didn't have the right clothes, and I was a band and math nerd...but who cares. It's over.

    There are reasons we come together. Maybe we work at the same place. We become buddies. We socialize outside of work. There's so much to talk about, we all know the same people, share the same struggles, need the same support. I was a 7th grade math and English teacher. We had a tight-knit group of five, and even when I left my job to be a stay-at-home mom, we kept in touch. It got hard though. The four of them all still worked together, and so most of the conversation was still about school, to which I had nothing to contribute. We drifted apart, very slowly.

    I had trouble most of my adult life keeping friendships, because I chose what I now call "project" friends. Friends who needed me because of circumstances that were making life tough. I took care of them. But these kinds of friends suck the life out of you after a short time, and usually have NO other friends, and pretty soon if you're the only one giving, it gets old.

    I found my friends for a lifetime at my church. We're a big circle, and some of us are closer to each other than others, but we're all there for each other, call in the middle of the night for an emergency friends. One of these friends is my Best, and we're truly blessed to have found each other.

    I pray that you find some of those kinds of friends. I'm not thinking high school is the place. There's a reason there are movies about how horrid high school is. It IS horrid. Get through it, be yourself, and the right people will find you. Meanwhile, you've got a popular blog, and we're all real, even though you've never actually met us.
    Take care Gina. You sound like a quality person.

    Tina @ Life is Good
    Post A-Z Road trip!

  11. I'd really wonder about a friend who hacks your Facebook account! If she wanted to see what you post, why not just ask? Then there's also the fact that not everyone posts tons of photos on their Facebook page. Or they might, but tire of it. In any case, I hope taking some time to give it some thought helps!

  12. That was a great glee song! I loved it! Forget those people, they're not worth it. They made me so mad. Rise above those people and find new friends. You got me. : )

  13. Really touching song, Glee did a good job on it.

  14. ahhh i love glee and i love this version! ^__^

  15. Hi Gina. This person doesn't sound like a very good friend to me. In fact she sounds like someone who doesn't have your best interests at heart. No one needs friends like that. Thank you for stopping by to visit my blog and leave a comment. It's nice to meet you.

  16. I'm really sorry you are having a tough time with your friend .... I hope that you find friends that are better for you.. thanks for stopping by my bloggy... I appreciate it!!!!!

  17. She hacked your facebook account? WoW that doesn't sound much like a friend......

  18. I think hacking a facebook account qualifies as violating boundaries..I think that is very intrusive and I find that to be more upsetting than her cruel remarks, which are not nice either.
    Would love you as a follower if you'd like, thanks for stopping by.

  19. Stay away from poison, sweet Gina. Don't ever let anyone beat you down like that.

  20. Thank you for stopping by my blog.

    I have to say, your friend doesn't sound very nice. It's true that you don't want to hang around someone who doesn't reciprocate your feelings of friendship--but someone who hacks your FB account and tells you to ditch all other people is NOT looking out for your best interests.

    I say this because I had a lot of crappy friends in high school who only liked me when they needed something from me. It was awful and toxic. When I got out of that situation, I can tell you it was SO relieving. Even though I only found two or three real friends after leaving, those people were each like fifty of those other "friends." Find someone who shares your interests, someone who appreciates you for who you are and not just when it suits them.

    I wish you the best of luck.

  21. Some folks are toxic. Keep your distance. Great meeting you, Gina :)

  22. Thanks for stopping by my blog, Gina. I'm sorry you're going through this. Life is too short for stress and false friends.

  23. Thank you for stopping by my blog! I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with your friends right now. I hope you find someone to connect with who sees you for the lovely young lady you are.

  24. Very interesting. I love that song. Greetings.

  25. Sorry about that with your friend. I bet you're going to find some lovely new friends who can connect with you. :)
    Thanks for stopping by my blog, and I like that Glee song, too!

  26. I would seriously reconsider your friendship with your best friend. What she said was WAY too harsh. Even if other people were not reciprocating friendships, it doesn't mean they hated you. They may have been too lazy to keep it up, or had other things going on. Your BFF was doing the equivalent of saying your new hairstyle is terrible, which may be true (I'm being hypothetical here), but it doesn't mean they should say it. Don't worry, friends come and go, but you'll know when you find a keeper.

  27. Thank you for dropping by my blog.
    I'm a loner too, I find it hard to get close to people.

  28. I actually just stopped by to say thank you for visiting me at mine.

    But then I read this. Wow. Firstly I have to agree with what a lot of people have said, I would be FUMING if anyone hacked my Facebook account. I really would. She may or may not have had your best interests at heart but there's a line and she crossed it. Secondly I don't have many pictures of myself with my friends either because lets face it - someone has to hold the camera! And thirdly what someone else said up there, Jonathon I think, don't count your FB as all your real friends. I know I use MY FB as a way to network. Some of the people on there are friends, some family and some people I am building contacts with.

    What you also have to remember is that although you have troubles going on in your life, so too do other people that you might not know about. I know I have been well and truly slapped down for losing touch with people recently which hurt because I have had so much awful stuff happening towards the end of last year, beginning of this year, some of which are still reverberating now you know? (Which is whythe Rocking Friday post that you commented on helps SO much. Helps you to look on the positive side - you should join us this friday) But it isn't public knowledge. However this person was so wrapped up in their own troubles they just took it out on me which I really don't need.

    I'm someone who is naturally very shy and a loner so when I do open myself up it's hard when it gets thrown back in your face. Stay strong - and thanks again for stopping by x

  29. I hope that things have gotten better! Some people take more out of you than they give. They are not worth your time. It is better to be alone, then to be surrounded by negativity. Best of luck!