29 May 2012

Do I have Nothing To Write About??



Ok, guys. I momentarily nothing to write about.


Wait, what did I just say? Writers always have to have something to write about, its impossible to have nothing to write about. Having nothing to write about is for those who are not as smart as we are. So in order to create a decent looking post, I'll post things about myself that I would be led to believe that you did not know. (I suddenly thought of this topic through a conversation with friends.) So here goes:


1) Sometimes I talk to myself. When I'm angry, I get louder and louder until I'm practically yelling. The problem is that I'm talking to myself, and it's not going to solve any problems that I have. It's scary, I know.


2) When I speak, I use these weird hand gestures. My hands go all over the place like airplane blades.


3) I honestly hate it when people don't come straight out with what they're saying. I'm always straight with my speech and say what I mean. When people allude to what they're really saying, I get really frustrated because I keep over thinking.


4) I am thin-faced towards criticism.


5) Usually, I'm cool with what people do, but sometimes people just do things that are so stupid they piss me off a lot.


6) When hanging out with me or whatever, don't be late. If anything, be at least five minutes early. What I believe is that it's just courteous, and I am a courteous person no matter what your opinion of me is. Don't expect me to understand why you're late because I don't. This is not inconsiderate of me, it is inconsiderate of you to make me wait for you to show up. I mean please, how busy are you? You aren't some CEO of some Fortune 500 company. If I value you highly enough to be early, please show the same respect to do the same. If you're late, my esteem of you will lower so fast that it will be blinding. No exceptions are allowed to anyone. If I may phrase my on time motto rudely, "Ghost Ride your ass to your destination." 


7) I really like action movies. I hate horror. I don't know what it is, but those are the genres that I like and dislike. I enjoy comedy too, but there are just so many bad comedies out there that I can't say it's one of my favorites. The Dictator seems really good, but I haven't had the time to see it yet.


8) I try to go out of my way to be nice to people, but sometimes it doesn't work out.


9) Feeling as if you owe someone is the worst feeling in the world. It could be money, feelings, anything.


10) A genre of music that I'm exploring is dubstep. As of yet, my favorite is Skillrex's "Kyoto", "Bangarang", and "Summit". They have a nice beat to them that is hard to explain. If your anything like me, you have your personal mental soundtrack to entertain you when you don't have music playing. I find these songs perfect with my sound-tracked mind.


11) I think my eyes are more of an ambiguous color. They are dark brown on the top and light brown on the bottom. You have to really look closely to notice. But of course, who would actually look closely at me? After this year, I will practically be a loner (yet again) and even fewer people would deign themselves to look at me.


12) I consider myself fat although people around me say I'm not. It's always safe to imagine yourself fatter than you are so when you lose weight, you get skinnier. I've procrastinated so far on the issue of losing weight.


13) I hate it when people are bombard me with questions about things that have happened in the past. Life is over as it is, there's really no point in going back to what happened again and again. I would say, "You know, get off my case already. There's really no point in talking  about this issue or problem any longer." But of course, do you say that to friends? Of course not.


I guess that that's all for this post.

Versatile Blogger Award

Thanks to L.G. Keltner for this award. I really appreciate that I am awarded.

7 Facts about myself:

1. I am like a child sometimes: I can be very immature.
2. Listening to music is my thing. I like finding new music that I really like. (Taylor Swift for life!)
3. I am doing this in AP Lang right now. Technically its against the rules, but what can I say?
4. My favorite subject in school as of now is APUSH. It's the most relaxing class that I have now that AP tests are over.
5. My dream college is either NYU or UPenn. NYU for the transfer student program and UPenn for the good looking campus. My grad school would be Johns Hopkins because they have one of the best, if not the best medical school.
6. I consider myself a writer, and hope to get published in The New Yorker someday.
7. Having close friends can sometimes be tiring, especially if you have different living habits. It can be annoying and would therefore make you irritable.

Award 15 worthy bloggers:

4. Grandma Yellow Hair at http://grandmayellowhair.blogspot.com/
10. Catherine, ex oh mwah! at http://f-a-i-r-y-l-i-g-h-t-s.blogspot.com/
12. meandmythinkingcap at http://meandmythinkingcap.blogspot.com/
15. Dana at http://dana-thedailydose.blogspot.com/

17 May 2012

Blogging Award

I can't believe it! I've gotten my 3rd award in the course of 2 months! I cannot believe my achievement!.


Thank you to L.G. Keltner for awarding me with the Kreativ Blogger Award. I really appreciate it.

1) What is your favorite song?

There is simply so many to choose from! But have to remain loyal to my all time favorite: Love Story by Taylor Swift. (I've liked this song since 8th grade, bear with me.


2) What is your favorite dessert?


I don't eat dessert, sorry.


3) What ticks you off?


When people ask me questions with the tone of "I doubt that you would be truthful with me."


4)When you're upset, what do you do?


I don't usually like to show my emotions, but when I do, it's usually dramatic. I punch the wall and all that stuff. It's the product of pressing down your emotions.

5.  What is your favorite pet?


Dogs.


6.  Which do you prefer, black or white?


White.


7.  What is your biggest fear?


Needles and reptiles.


8.  What is your attitude?


I do not understand the question. I don't believe I have one.


9.  What is perfection? 


Perfection is getting what one wants and nothing more.


10.  What is your guilty pleasure?


My guilty pleasure is driving at high speeds.




10 Random Facts About Me


1. I sing when no one is around to hear my horrifying voice.


2. I love watching T.V.


3. I'm awkward when I'm with people I don't necessarily know.


4. I enjoy talking to myself.


5. I like writing, like a lot.


6. Math is my "most hated" subject.


7. I dislike basically every reality T.V. show except The Amazing Race.


8. I enjoy being in nature.


9. Sometimes, I feel like a person stuck between two worlds: My student life and my school life.


10. I have no idea what to put for this number.


5 others who deserve this award


1. http://www.artofbeingconflicted.com/
2. http://mothersofbrothersblog.blogspot.com/
3. http://superearthling.blogspot.com/
4. http://boy-hood.blogspot.co.uk/
5. http://theramblingperson.blogspot.com/

16 May 2012

Failure



Just because you failed at something does not mean that your life is over. Just because you received a "F" on the last math test does not mean that you have to go die. Or that's what you keep telling yourself as you are walking home.


I try thinking that way everyday. Not that I get F's everyday of course. That would be a disaster beyond my imagination. Of course, I'm only talking about school, which is the only competitive environment that I have had exposure to. To be truthful, I've never met with real failure before, and like any other sane person, I hope that I don't. I've barely started life, and I haven't started "real life" before, since I haven't  entered upon the world yet.


What is so hard to understand is why people have such a hard time with failure. Being the skeptic that I am, it's sort of ironic how people can  say that they are "positive" and "forward looking" when all they can see is how people have failed in different parts of life. I was with my friend Jake when I was struck with this idea of the concept of "failure".


We were at the movies, and this one obese guy was ordering tickets in front of us. His greasy, shiny finger was waving impatiently in the air as he imperiously spoke to the employee. His voice sounded not only nasal, but had a girlish tinge to it. I could have sworn that it was higher than mine. Don't get me wrong, but I've always had something about extremely obese people that I didn't like. I mean, if I was as fat as that guy, I would be too ashamed to step out of the door. This guy, however, was acting as if he owned the world.


"What do you mean that there are not seats wide enough to fit me?" Jake and I stare at each other with wide eyes at this point. "Are you implying that I am fat?" Duh. His thighs were practically twice the size of my torso, which was saying something.


The manager of the movie theater to tried to pacify the fat guy, as a crowd started forming around the booth. It reminded me of a fighting scene in China: the crowd, instead of politely dispersing, all turn around and gather to witness what was taking place. This scene made me accidentally burst into insane giggles. I just found the scene so hilarious that I could not help myself.


Jake gave me a look asking if I was crazy or not. What a good question.


The fat dude turns around and looks at me. What I did was mean, since he thought I was laughing at his weight. What I did not realize at that time was that he was already humiliated about the inconveniences of being overweight. And then I openly laughed at him. It was pretty much the last straw with him.


He walked away with tears in his eyes.


I ended up not watching the movie either. I was so humiliated with what I had done that I could not bear watching a movie. The thing was that I was not that type of person to shame someone so thoroughly that they would walk away crying. It was against all of my morals. I had failed like never before.  

8 May 2012

Notes to the Guy who Shot His Ex-Girlfriend



As you walk towards your ex, you probably did not realize what you were about to do. Something that I would like to say is that I sort of know what you have been going through, but then again, I don't. One question when I was reading your story was "What could possibly have driven you to shoot your ex girlfriend right when she came out of work?" Your only 18. Who are you to determine whether your ex lives or not?


I can sort of see what you were thinking, why you did what you did. You just broke up with her a few days ago. In your head, you are asking, "Why?" The two of you probably fought before you broke up. You yell at her, trying to talk sense into your girlfriend and save your relationship. But one sentence led to another, and then suddenly, you realize that what you have lost your original purpose and why you said all that you did. One look at her face tells you that you have lost all that used to be.


It's her birthday today, and you can't help but think about her even when you don't want to. Is she thinking about you, or is she already starting to move on. As the hours tick by with no call, no contact, you start to think the worst. Maybe she already started with a new guy, already moving on past you. Those thoughts bore down on you so heavily that they soon become unbearable.  


So, in order to solve all of your problems, you get a rifle and decide to settle this matter once and for all. You see her at work, probably with a smile on her face when she is taking care of the dogs. You close your eyes, and shoot. There is a scream, but you ignore it. Then you open your eyes, and find that you shot her in the stomach. There is blood flowing through the cracks in her fingers as she looks at you with disbelief. You never knew that someone could bleed so much, that there would be so much blood. Then, you realize that you never wanted this to happen, you never wanted her to die. You only wanted her to know that she made a mistake in leaving you.


So you look at the gun, the unfeeling metal cold in your hand. What do you do? What do you say? Then, you look desperately at your ex and tell her that you have always loved her, never meant for any of this to happen. But it's already too late.


As the police surrounds you, you want to scream that you never wanted any of this to happen. But you can't do that. Then you looked at the rifle that you keep gripped in your hand. You see a solution forming in your head, and you turn the barrel of the gun toward your own head. That's the last thing that you see before you press the trigger.


You hear muted screams of voices that seems to belong to your parents. Your mom screams at you to wake up, but you don't want to. There seems to be a strange peace on the other side, and you want to go there and not to the other side where there is a burning pain. There was just so much blood, and the only way you could escape from it is to do what you did.


The link to the news report can be found here


I've added my own twist to the story from Troy Penn's (boyfriend) point of view.

1 May 2012

Letter to A Friend


My first thought when I see you is that I like your smile. I always think that you are a really pretty person, but I never said that because I'm afraid that it'll come out wrong. You are with your friends, and I didn't want to disturb you. Then you happen to see me, and you say my name. For a little while, I like my name just because you said it. I know it's crazy, but that's what I happened to think.

I've never been good with saying my feelings, but I've always been able to write them down. So this is for you.

Your going back to Pennsylvania in a few months, and I haven't seen you much after school. When we talk, I'm always so awkward, and there isn't much to talk about. Sometimes, I'm tired of talking of myself, but I'm often too distracted to ask how you have been. Whenever I don't see you around school, I get kinda worried about how you've been. Questions swirl in my head, "Is she sick? Should I call her to ask if she's okay? Will she be at track practice today? Will I get to see her even if she is in track?" I know that I should let you talk more, but I never wanted to interrupt what you were saying, because you always immediately went to go ask how someone else had been. We've never really hung out before, as both of us seemed to miss each other and we never really had time.

Through the time that I got to know you, I have grown to care for you as a friend. Although I know that I don't have to prove that I care, I would do anything to show that I care. You have been like a big sister to me, listening to what I had to say and solving some of my problems. The only thing was I never had a way to express what I actually felt. For the most part, I feel awkward saying such things. Like, what was I supposed to say? "Oh, hey, I care about you. Just felt like saying what I truly feel." What I fear is the stare of shock as my words are perceived in the wrong way. 

The face that you make whenever you laugh crack me up every single time. You don't need makeup to look beautiful, you already are. That's corny, but yes, you are.