23 Sep 2012
For me, faith is a tough subject. I've tried Christianity, for a second time even though God has hurt me again and again. When things go bad, you are supposed to ask God for help, even though he does not answer. To put it in a matter of fact way, it's hard to talk to yourself when you are in need of help.
Therefore, in an attempt to not be hurt again, I plan to really turn to Buddhism. Buddhism has a lot of good things to it. For example, there is the issue of karma. When you do bad things, bad things will turn around to happen to you. It gives a person a sense of control over their lives. It is said in the Bible that God has his plan for his believers, but how come we never see this plan? Why is it that we need to just blindly believe? I don't necessarily just trust people based on a book, and this has to apply to the Bible.
Another thing with Christianity is the sin portion of humans. We sin as soon as we are born. We are never perfect enough to the Lord. We always have to beg for his forgiveness. That, to me, is now sort of ridiculous. What has a baby done to deserve the wrath of God? If everything that we do is sinful, why are we still alive? God is supposed to punish sinners, is he not?
And this vision of love. "God is supposed to love us because we are his children", you say. Then why are there children in Africa that can't even have a drink of water while people like Madonna (no offense I'm a fan) live in these huge mansions? Why do innocent people die of sickness? Why are there murderers and rapists? How come some of these people go scot-free while some are wrongfully put in jail? Why are there teenagers homeless, not knowing where they are going to sleep or why they are starving? These are all issues that God has apparently turned a blind eye towards. If we are God's children and He "loves" us, he should address these problems. Love is made through actions, not through words. If you say something but don't take any action towards it, that makes you a hypocrite. I'm sorry, but these are issues that this "almighty" person let happen.
Buddhism, I believe, is much safer. Buddhism is a way of life, not a belief system. Buddha is not a god, and such beliefs of how the world started is pretty much worthless. As Buddhists, when we say we love someone, we ACT upon it. We don't just say it. Karma may be tough, but at least you know you deserved it somehow.
18 Sep 2012
So a while back I started to write a book, but then I gave up after some time. Therefore, I created a Facebook page that I hope will help me keep my motivation up. I guess the main problem is finding time and not making various excuses to continue. It would do me a great favor if you readers can go to this link: http://www.facebook.com/GinaGaoWriter and just like it to get updates.
I promise to keep you guys updated on how I'm doing with writing my book and when I'm prepared to send it to potential publishers. Facebook will be the main area where I just post things that happen on a practically immediate basis. Blog posts, although enjoyable to write, take a much longer time. Although this blog is my main way of connecting to various readers, I would be lying if I said that Facebook is a major way in which I contact people, especially those who know personally.
So therefore. Just wanted to say that I made a new Facebook page, one that has a lot of users to see my profile and what I'm about.
6 Sep 2012
Where are we?
A blank sheet.
That's all we ever want in life sometimes, right? But not all of us have that chance to start on a blank sheet again. To start life anew, without mistakes this time. Thankfully, I have been given this chance to really reset my priorities and really start again. There has been many events that has been leading up to this moment, a moment of truth. A moment where nothing matters except yourself.
There has been time in the past that has challenged my values, and I have to say that I did many things to hurt others. In other words, I was just about the rudest and most upfront person you can find around town. But as I am pretty direct with what I say, there are others who are more insidious than I am. Those people who, like a spider, entrap you in a web of deceit and then pull the rug from under your feet. Today, I am here, to renounce all contact with these type of people.
You see, we were never really meant to be in the first place. I guess it was our fundamental differences that separated us. It's just that we were never meant to be in the first place. I know, I know that you probably don't want to see me go without a word, so here's some words for you. Written words, which is what I do best.
What do I mean by fundamental differences? I mean core values, priorities. What each of us puts first in our lives. You have always been a priority, there is nothing I would not do for you. That may sound extreme, but true. But that is not the same for you, right? As far as I can see, you never really put me in your level of life. Yes, I have seen you go around being friends with people, laughing, telling jokes. But why is it that when you are with me, all that is gone? It vanishes, is gone without a trace.
Which is why I propose a clean break.
To anyone who has ever broken a bone, the best result is when you hear that you have had a clean break. It heals easier, it doesn't do much damage. The person that I am trying to protect here is myself. Usually I am not so selfish, but this case is different. A clean will not do much damage to you, because I know you will not care either way. But a clean break will help me, simply because I want to hurt as little as possible. I can tell you now that this process was long in coming, I just closed my eyes to it. I was deliberately blind to everything that was happening.
There was a time when I loved you with such intensity I could have called you family. But now I know the truth. We never worked out. We will never end up together as I see you with your friends. Us? Best friends? Never going to happen. Sorry.
But I will say one thing: I love you enough to let you go. It's time for me to move on, and I can't stay with you, even if I want desperately to.
And you will never see any hint of hesitation or regret on my face or in my eyes. There's no changing this. It's final. Period.
Blank sheet, anyone?